


Pitch Perfect

by SydnieAust



Category: Glee, Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23450731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydnieAust/pseuds/SydnieAust
Summary: With the addition of former Warbler, Blaine Anderson, Mr. Shue decides to put a fun little twist on Boys vs. Girls competition for senior year...acapella! Read on to find out what happens when the boys and girls + Kurt are forced to compete with each other for one of the hardest weekly lessons that have to learn. Headbutting, drama, foul language, and music will ensue!A mashup of Glee and Pitch Perfect.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Mike Chang/Tina Cohen-Chang, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Boys vs. Girls Tournament

**Author's Note:**

> Let me begin by saying, before his death, there was a lot of information that came out about Mark Salling. I do not in anyway condone or accept any of the things he did. However, I am able to separate Mark from the character Noah Puckerman, and hopefully you can as well. So please, do not think I approve of any of the things he did.

* * *

It’s the first week of senior year! The class president election is underway and tensions are kind of running high. So, what better way to uplift spirits than with some friendly competition? Right?

The school bell rings.

“All right, guys, let’s get down to business. First, let’s welcome our newest member, Blaine Anderson.” 

He stands up from his seat next to Kurt. “Thanks so much, everyone. I’m so thrilled to be here. It’s gonna be a great year, I can feel it. We’re all gonna go to Nationals!”

There’s some applause, but Mr. Shue sees Finn’s disappointed look. “Is there a problem, guys?”

“I just want Blaine to know that we’re not the Warblers,” says Finn. “You know, we’re not into the bells and whistles or the ball hogging, you know?”

“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” asks Blaine.

“ **You** did nothing wrong,” says Kurt. “And if we’re really not into the ‘ball hogging’ then can we give other people solos this year?”

“I agree,” says Mercedes. “Because **I** am feeling extremely pretty this year,” she says confidently while she sits on the other side of Kurt.

“Well that brings me to my next order of business,” says Mr. Shue. “Usually I would wait a couple of more weeks to do this assignment, but since it’s senior year for most of you, I wanted to shake things up.”

“What?!” yells Rachel as she gets up from her seat. “Mr. Shue, shaking things up is not what we need. We need to stay focused.”

“Exactly. We’re doing a Boys vs. Girls tournament…acapella version.”

Blaine’s eyes get bright as Rachel slowly sinks back down in her seat.

“Yes, I was inspired by Blaine’s arrival. This year, instead of you guys just learning the lyrics and melody, I want to make you guys actual musicians. You guys will split up into two teams and you’ll remix songs to be sung acapella.”

“Mr. Shue, with all due respect, but what does that have to do with Sectionals?” asks Rachel.

“Because the team that wins, will get to choose the setlist for Sectionals. They will also assign who gets to sing what.”

“Are you actually going to keep that promise?” asks Santana. 

“Yes, because I have a few special judges who will help keep all of this fair and impartial. Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste.”

They walk into the room and most of the other members perk up. This might actually be fair and balanced for once.

“Now, you guys will be having ‘check-ins’. You will present a setlist to the group complete with costumes and choreography and you will be given points along the way. After every check-in we will update everyone on the points. Obviously, whichever team has the most points will be the winner.” 

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” says Santana. “Time for other talent to be showcased.”

“Now, before you break off into your groups, Kurt I am allowing you to be on the girls’ team.”

“Yes!” he shouts.

Mr. Shue grabs a song off the piano.“And here’s a song.” He starts passing it out. “On Friday, you will all perform a song acapella. Doesn’t have to be this one, but this is a relatively easier song to figure out the percussion sounds and layers. This is to determine who has a better handle on this concept, who’ll be the leader of each group. Any questions?”

No one says anything.

“Okay! Good luck, guys!”

The club starts packing up to go and Sam follows Mercedes out.

“Hey. Pretty cool project huh?” he asks.

“Yeah. I think it’ll help me win my first Grammy,” replies Mercedes.

“You have any idea who you’re gonna be thanking in your acceptance speech? ‘Cause I know this awesome dude who’s great at impressions and totally into you.”

She walks to her locker. “Sam, stop. You know I’m with Shane.”

“It’s because I’m white, right?”

She pulls out some books. “Are you insane?”

“Okay, then it’s because he’s such a stud athlete. That letterman jacket makes all the girls go wild, I know.”

“It was a summer fling, Sam.”

“You telling me thinking about that tilt-a-whirl at the carnival doesn’t make you smile?”

She smiles. “Okay, that was fun.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“But I’m with Shane now. Sorry, but summer’s long over.” She walks away with him watching her.


	2. "Auditions"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update! The chapter was written, but I had a power outage and it was the worst day of my life lol. Anyway, here's the next chapter! And thank you for the views and comments!

* * *

The glee club is gathered in the auditorium eagerly waiting to start the “auditions”.

“Okay guys time to show us how you can sing acapella,” says Mr. Shue as he sits down at a table in between Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste. “Let’s get started and Santana you’re first.”

She gets up from her seat in the audience and walks onstage. She starts making a percussion sound to start the beginning of the song. Soon, everyone starts joining in.

**Santana:**

Here’s the thing, we started out friends

**Mike:**

It was cool, but it was all pretend

**Rachel:**

Yeah, yeah

Since you been gone

**Tina:**

You dedicated, took the time

**Puck:**

Wasn’t long till I called you mine

**Santana:**

Yeah, yeah

Since you been gone

**Brittany:**

And all you’d ever hear me say

Is how I pictured me with you

**Sam:**

That’s all you’d ever hear me say

**All:**

But since you been gone

I can breathe for the first time

I’m so moving on

Yeah, yeah

**Kurt (Blaine):**

Thanks to you (Thanks to you)

Now I get (Now I get)

**Brittany:**

I get what I want

Since you been gone

**Finn:**

How can I put it? You put me on

I even fell for that stupid love song

**Rory:**

Yeah, yeah

Since you been gone

**Sugar:**

How come I’d never hear you say

**Santana and Sugar:**

“I just wanna be with you”

**Artie:**

I guess you never felt that way

**Kurt and Blaine (Blaine):**

But since you’ve been gone (Yeah!)

I can breathe for the first time

I’m so moving on

Yeah, yeah

**Rachel (Finn):**

Thanks to you (Thanks to you)

Now I get (Now I get) what I want

(Since you been gone)

**Quinn (Puck):**

You had your chance (You had your chance), you blew it

Out of sight, out of mind

**Santana and Artie:**

Shut your mouth

**Santana (Artie):**

I just can’t take it (Oh, woah)

**Rory:**

Again and again and again and again

**Quinn:**

Since you been gone

**Mike:**

Since you been gone

**Tina:**

Since you been gone

**Artie:**

Since you been gone

**Rory:**

Since you been gone

Everyone sits down.

“Okay, that was pretty good guys," says Mr. Shue. "A little pitchy in places, but you’ll work it out.”

“Excuse me, Will, Mercedes didn’t get to perform,” points out Ms. Pillsbury.

“Oh!”

“Yes, I wanted to try out something different,” Mercedes says, going up onstage with a cup in her hand.

“Of course. Whenever you’re ready.” He sits back down.

Mercedes sits on the floor and she starts using the cup to bang out a beat.

**Mercedes:**

I’ve got my ticket for the long way round

Two bottles of whiskey for the way

And I sure would like some sweet company

I’m leaving tomorrow what do you say

When I’m gone

When I’m gone

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

You’re gonna miss me by my hair

You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

There’s applause and cheers from the audience.

“That was awesome, Mercedes!” exclaims Coach Beiste.

“Yes! Great job Mercedes!” says Mr. Shue. “Okay, Ms. Pillsbury, Coach Beiste, and I are going to deliberate to see who we think will be good team captains.” 

The three adults talk quietly amongst themselves.

“This isn’t fair! Mercedes used a cup. One could argue that a cup’s an instrument,” yells Rachel.

“Oh shut up, Berry!” yells Santana. “You’re just upset that you didn’t think of it yourself.”

“Where did you learn to do that?” asks Kurt.

“I actually saw it on YouTube,” answers Mercedes. “Some girls took the cup game we used to play when we were little and took a song and mashed them together. We love a good mash-up so, I thought it would be a cool idea.”

“That was so cool, ‘Cedes,” says Quinn.

“Yeah Mama,” says Puck. “Honestly, you should be the leader of the girls group.”

“And Blaine should be the leader of the boys’ group,” says Artie. “I mean, he was a part of an acapella group.”

Finn and Rachel can feel their superiority slipping away from them.

The three judges walk onstage.

Mr. Shue clears his throat. “Okay everyone, we have made a decision. “The leader of the boys’ team will be…Mr. Blaine Anderson!”

There’s applause and cheers from the class.

“And the leader of the girls’ team will be…Miss Rachel Berry.”

There’s a few claps, but definitely not as much applause as Blaine.

“Excuse me, I thought this was gonna be fair and balanced,” complains Santana.

“It’s okay Santana,” says Mercedes. “There’s no need to get into a big fight over it.”

“Okay everyone, just a couple of things before we break for today, your first check-in will be in two weeks and the Riff-Off will be in a week. Remember; costumes, choreography, and soloists will be a part of your scoring. Any questions?”

No one asks. 

“That’s it for today. Mercedes, can I see you for a second?”

Mercedes walks back onstage as the class leaves.

“Just so you know, we wanted to give you the leadership role. It’s just that Rachel’s so fragile and we couldn’t afford a meltdown this early in the game.” 

“It’s okay Mr. Shue. I understand.”

“But, stand up to Rachel. Make her hear you. You know more about this stuff because you’re a musician, Mercedes. Make it known that your ideas are valid.”

Mercedes laughs. “That’s easier said than done Mr. Shue. Thanks for the talk.” She starts to walk offstage.

“You’re gonna go far, Mercedes.”

She turns back to him. “Thank you.” And she finishes walking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used: Since U Been Gone (Pitch Perfect) and Cups (Pitch Perfect)


	3. First Rehearsal

* * *

“Okay everyone!” says Mr. Shue. “I hope you’re excited about your first rehearsal today. Team captains, I need you to come up here and get a schedule for the check-ins.”

“If Rachel becomes a power hungry evil bitch, I’m quitting,” says Santana to Mercedes.

“Let’s just keep an open mind.”

“Now, you’re dismissed for your rehearsal,” says Mr. Shue. “The girls and Kurt will be in the auditorium and the boys will be in here. Good luck, everyone!”

The girls and Kurt start gathering their things and head to the auditorium.

......

“Welcome ladies and Kurt to our first rehearsal!” says Rachel excitedly with her pink folder with gold stars all over it. They’re all sitting in a circle.

No one's enthusiastic.

She clears her throat. “I have taken the liberty to assign everyone vocal parts.”

“Rachel, we already have vocal parts,” says Mercedes.

“Yes, but I’m the leader. And these parts fit everyone a lot better in my opinion.”

“What if I can’t sing?” asks Sugar quietly. 

“She’s gonna catch my foot in her ass in a second,” whispers Santana to Mercedes.

She starts reading off her list. “The Sopranos: me, Mercedes, and Kurt. The Mezzos: Santana and Tina. And our Altos: Quinn, Brittany, and Sugar.”

“That’s not too terrible,” says Kurt.

“That’s the spirit, Kurt!” cheers Rachel.

“Now we need a team name,” says Tina.

“Hot Bitches or Hot Messes,” suggests Santana.

“Free Beer,” suggests Brittany.

“Uh, okay, what about something that more captured our essence,” says Mercedes. “Sums up who we want to be, who we really are.”

“Well what we are is trouble for the boys team,” says Quinn.

“The Trouble Tones,” suggests Mercedes. “I like it.”

“That’s good, ‘Cedes,” says Santana.

“I like that, too,” says Sugar.

“Fine, we’re the Trouble Tones,” says Rachel shortly.

......

“Okay, guys. Thanks for coming to our first meeting,” says Blaine as they’re meeting in the choir room.

“I thought this was mandatory,” says Puck.

“It is. But, um, I’ve taken the liberty of assigning everyone vocal parts.”

“We already have vocal parts,” says Finn snidely.

“Yes, but we had the girls and Kurt to deal with those higher parts. We need to move some people around to make up the difference.”

“Sounds reasonable to me,” says Mike.

Blaine starts reading off his list. “The Tenors: me and Artie. The Baritones: Finn, Rory, and Sam. And our Basses: Mike and Puck.”

“Those are good placements, dude,” says Sam.

“Thanks!” says Blaine. “Now, I know Mike can handle our choreography, but what’re we gonna do about costumes? Usually I would ask Kurt, but I doubt he would wanna help us.”

“What if we pull a Justin Bieber?” offers Artie. “Zip-up hoodie, jeans, and high-top shoes.”

“Sounds good to me,” says Puck.

Everyone else nods in agreement.

“Awesome! Um, now we need a team name. Any ideas?” asks Blaine, opening the floor.

“What about Wolf Pack?” offers Puck.

“Puck, no offense, but you’re better when you don’t contribute,” says Artie.

“What about Duly Noted?” suggests Mike.

“I like it,” says Rory.

“Awesome. We’re the Duly Noted! Okay, so, let’s think of a song we want to sing for the first check-in.”

......

“Alright everyone, I would like us to take an oath,” says Rachel.

“What? Why?” asks Mercedes.

“Because we cannot let the boys team distract us. We need to be focused and sharp. So, no hanging out or hooking up with them for the duration of the competition.”

Everyone looks at each other confused.

“Raise your right hand.”

They begrudgingly do it.

“Okay, repeat after me. ‘I promise to fulfill the duties and responsibilities of a Trouble Tone.’”

They repeat.

“And I solemnly promise not to have sexual relations during the duration of this competition with any member of the boys’ team or may my vocal chords be ripped out by wolves.”

They repeat half-heartedly.

Rachel sighs. “We are all bonded now.”

“Fuck me,” says Santana.

The bell rings. Everyone starts packing up quickly.

“Remember! Stay focused!” shouts Rachel.


	4. The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza Pt.2

* * *

“Whassup, my hot little Jewish-American Princess?” asks Puck as he strolls into the auditorium.

Rachel sighs as she’s working on a set list for the first check-in. “What do you want, Puckerman?”

“Word on the street is your dads are out of town and you’re alone in your house.”

“They’re on the Rosie O’Donnell cruise, again,” she clarifies. She turns around. “Who told you that?”

“This is the kind of information a guy like me tends to know.” He makes it to the stage. “So, uh, party this Saturday? I’ll bring the beer ball. That’s a mini keg.”

“Forget it.”

“Oh, come on. Just the Glee kids. We’re losing our minds, all stressed about this acapella stuff.”

“We just started. Besides, you just want a place to have sex and get drunk.”

“Yeah. There’s a word for that-- a party.”

“No. No. My dads left me alone in my house because they trusted me to be responsible. Also, I also made my team take a vow not to hang out with your team in any fashion.”

“First, your dads left you alone ‘cuz you suck and are a total bore. Second, let’s just have one final hang out before we’re all competitors.”

She doesn’t answer.

“Come on. Be the cool person I know you can be…sometimes.”

She sighs. “Fine. This goes against my better judgement, but let’s have a party.”

“Yes!” he cheers and runs out of the room.

…

“It sounds awful. Is anybody going?” asks Santana on the phone with Brittany with her right next to her.

“Let me find out,” replies Brittany. She calls Artie and he answers. “Did you hear?”

“Yes. Mercedes just told me,” he answers.

“Tell them I’ll go if they go,” says Mercedes as she pushes him down the hallway.

“Tell them yourself. I ain’t no pony express.”

She rolls her eyes and calls Santana. “You’re going, right?”

“Only if there’s liquor, because a Rachel Berry party is not something I can do sober.”

“Typical Rachel. She says she doesn’t want us ‘fraternizing with the enemy’ but then throws a party with them invited,” says Mercedes.

“I can’t believe she made guys take a vow,” says Artie.

“Whatever, let’s ask Puckerman if he’s bringing liquor,” says Santana. She calls him.

“You’re a go for Puck,” he answers.

“Noah, it’s Brittana and Artcedes. Can your friend score us some wine coolers?”

“No, but his I.D. can.”

They all meet in the hallway.

“Well, if we’re all in, it’s settled. The Rachel Berry house party train wreck extravaganza pt. 2 is officially a go,” says Mercedes.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

A few hours before the party, Finn is helping Rachel set up.

“So, even though you made them take an oath, you’re throwing this party,” says Finn. “Aren’t you kind of contradicting yourself?”

She sighs. “I know I look like a big hypocrite, but I have to get them to respect me.”

“Rachel, they’ll respect you if you treat them kindly. Not because you throw a party.”

“Finn, I just want one night of team morale, then it’s game on.”

He sighs. “Okay.”

……

Mercedes, Kurt, and Blaine walk downstairs, with the booming sound of “Like a G6” flooding the basement, to see everyone already drinking and getting progressively drunker.

“I can’t believe Brittany still has her clothes on,” says Kurt.

Just then, Brittany whips off her top.

“You spoke too soon, babe,” says Blaine.

Sam, already drunk, stumbles up to Mercedes. “Are my eyes deceiving me?” Sam wipes his eyes and makes squeaking noises. “Can you believe Rachel’s throwing this party after she made you guys take an oath?”

“I think this is more Puck’s doing,” replies Mercedes.

“Kurt and I are gonna go get a drink,” says Blaine with Kurt following after him with a knowing look on his face.

He sighs. “Think of all the memories we’re going to create tonight!”

“You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this tomorrow.”

“I’m not drunk, you’re just blurry.”

Mercedes laughs and Rachel clocks this exchange from across the room.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asks.

“Yes, you can.”

Sam starts stumbling away. “I think you need to get on this level.”

“Please be careful,” she warns.

A tipsy Santana gives Mercedes a big hug and puts her face right up close. “Mercedes, I think you should fuck Sam.”

Mercedes sighs. “Okay.”

“And I can tell you from personal experience that his tongue is magical,” Santana whispers in her ear.

“Thank you for that visual.”

Santana pulls away from Mercedes “Okay, Mama’s thirsty!” she yells.

“Make good choices!” Mercedes shouts after her.

…

Mike and Artie are filling their cups at the keg.

“Who would win in a fight? Captain America or a great white shark,” asks Mike.

“Great white shark,” answers Artie.

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yes huh! All the shark has to do is lure him to international waters. Captain America has no jurisdiction out there.” He takes a drink. “Next question. Who is easiest to sleep with? Captain America or a great white shark...?”

Tina walks up to them. “What are you nerds talking about?”

“You are...the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on,” slurs Mike and he leans in to make out with Tina.

Artie rolls his eyes and rolls away to see if there’s anyone else to talk to.

…

Sam hands Mercedes a red cup. “Isn’t this awesome?”

She giggles. “It’s definitely something.”

“Whoo!” he shouts. “So, where’s your boyfriend?”

She gives him some side-eye. “You know this party was just for us.”

“You could’ve brought him you know.”

“Well, maybe I wanted to hang out with just you guys tonight.”

Sam smiles deviously over his cup.

“What?”

“Nothing," he says slyly.

Mercedes rolls her eyes, but smiles softly.

“WHO WANTS TO PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE!” shouts Rory.

“NO!” everyone collectively shouts.


	5. Putting it Together

* * *

The next Monday at rehearsal, Rachel seems like she’s on a warpath.

“Sit down, please. Rehearsal has started,” she says shortly.

Everyone sits down.

“As you can see, Tina is not here. Saturday night, she was Chang-boned. She’s been suspended from today’s rehearsal.”

“That oath was serious?” questions Mercedes.

“Dixie Chicks-serious. In order to win we have to stay sharp and focused.”

“That’s not going to be easy…” says Santana. She refers to her crotch. “He’s a hunter.”

“You call it a dude?” questions Mercedes, but she’s a little bit impressed.

“Santana, the boys are distractions,” says Rachel. “And if we let them penetrate us, we’re giving them our power.”

“Not a good enough reason to use the word penetrate,” says Kurt.

“Besides, I thought you were a lesbian.” asks Rachel haughtily.

Santana kind of shrinks in her seat.

Rachel walks towards Sugar. “Anybody else have anything to confess?”

Sugar crumbles under the pressure and nods yes.

“Put away your chair and go.”

“But…it was an accident!”

But Rachel doesn’t waver. Sugar stands up to leave, very slowly. Every few steps, she looks back, desperately wanting to be stopped. She grabs a chair and drags it across the floor. She finally leaves, crying loudly through the hall.

“Was that necessary?” asks Mercedes, shocked.

“This is a war, Mercedes. It’s my job to make sure my soldiers are prepped at go time with three kick ass songs sung and choreographed to perfection.” She sighs. “Now, this is how we’ll become winners.” She pulls out a whiteboard from the wings to reveal a really complicated flow chart. It’s pretty intense. “We practice every day for at least two hours. Seven days a week. And I trust you’ll add your own cardio.”

“Why cardio?” asks Mercedes.

“Yeah, no, don’t put me down for cardio,” says Santana.

“Okay moving on.” Rachel distributes a list. “This is a list of songs that we can choose from for our performances. You’ll notice that I only picked songs made famous by women.”

Mercedes looks disdainfully at the list. “There’s nothing from this century on here.”

“Since we don’t have most of the boys, we cannot perform songs that require a low bassline.”

Mercedes and Kurt look at each other. Did she forget sophomore year? “Give up the Funk”?

“Now, let’s start with some vocal warm-ups, practice scales, followed by arpeggios and then work our way up to choreography. Any questions?”

“You said scales and then something about spaghettios?” asks Brittany.

“Arpeggios,” corrects Rachel. “God help me,” she whispers to herself.

…

After rehearsing for two hours and not seeing improvement, Rachel is emotionally and mentally drained.

“Okay, I’m callin’ it,” she shouts.

“You know, Rachel, I can look at the choreography since it’s a little awkward,” offers Mercedes.

Rachel ignores her. “Don’t forget, we have practice tomorrow!”

“How can we forget?” says Kurt, annoyed grabbing his things and leaving.

“Um, Mercedes, a word.”

Mercedes walks over to her.

“Please don’t undermine my leadership. I realize that you may have a better handle on this than some of the other people, but I’m in charge.”

“Look, Rachel I was just trying to help you. I wasn’t trying to undermine you.” She starts walking away.

“I know you have a Toner for Sam!”

Mercedes turns around. “A what?” she asks, disgusted.

“A musical boner. I saw it at the party. It’s distracting.”

“You don’t know anything, Rachel. And it’s kind of hard to take you seriously when you’re a hypocrite.”

“You took an oath!”

“A stupid oath that you created for no reason, turned you into a hypocrite, and now you’re punishing people. Now, two of our group members will have to play catch-up." She sighs. "How about this? You stop being nosey about my personal life and be a better leader to this group.” She heads for the door.

Rachel calls after her. “I can see your toner through those jeans!”

Mercedes keeps walking. “That’s my dick.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

“Okay, guys, we have to start practicing for this Riff-Off,” says Blaine to the boys team. “The Trouble Tones have Mercedes who is a powerhouse when it comes to this stuff. So, we need to become familiar with different types of music. Any suggestions?”

“What about The Clash?” asks Sam.

“The Police?” offers Rory.

“REM!” says Mike.

Blaine looks intrigued. “Maybe.”

“Spice Girls,” offers Artie.

“Jonas Brothers,” says Puck.

“Guys, no, no, we shouldn’t be looking at specific bands,” says Finn. “We should be looking at different genres.”

“What genres do you think we should use?” asks Mike.

“How about this? We look up different hits from the past 30 years? Make it as relevant as possible.”

“That’s a good idea, Finn,” says Artie.

“Also, I think we should give a lead to the new guy. Get him prepared for what’s in store when the stakes get high. Rory, I think you’ll do a good job.”

“Thanks, Finn, but I don’t think I’m ready for that honor just yet.”

“Come on. You’re totally ready, Rory,” Blaine chimes in. “You’ll kill it. We’ll all help you.” He turns to Finn. “It’s a great idea, Finn.”

Finn smiles. “Thanks.” Finally, feeling his leadership coming back into play.

……

After rehearsal, Finn and Rory are walking in the hall.

“Thanks a million, Finn. I just want you to know that no matter what, I have your back,” says Rory.

“Thank you Rory and I’ll always have yours. Now, let me teach you an American pastime. Have you ever heard of the term ‘trash talk’?”

“Is that when you discuss trash?”

“No. In sports, it’s when one player insults another to try and get them off their game. And that’s Santana’s specialty. She’ll try to get inside of our heads so that we think we’re gonna lose this competition.”

Santana walks by with Brittany in tow. “Hey there, Orca,” she says casually.

“Hey, Santana!”

She and Brittany turn around.

“You look like an ass-less J-Lo,” says Finn.

“You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm,” tries Rory.

“That is the lamest thing I didn’t understand a word of,” says Santana.

“Not one word,” agrees Brittany.

“Is that really all that you can come up with? You seriously think that you can out-insult me? I’m from Lima Heights. I was raised on insults. It’s how mi abuela put

me to sleep at night, and she is not a nice lady. You know, she tried to sell me once? And it wasn’t till I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn’t ‘Garbage Face.’”

“Then we’ll settle this tomorrow,” says Finn.

“The Riff-Off? Oh hell yeah.”


	6. Riff-Off

* * *

The next day, Mercedes is sitting in the library, working on some homework. Sam walks in, carrying a plastic bag full of snacks. He takes a seat and makes himself at home. He puts two juice boxes, Goldfish, popcorn, gummy bears, and a can of Pringles.

Mercedes laughs. “What’s all this?”

“As much as I love seeing you just at school. And I do, like, more than life. I thought we could do other fun things.” He pulls out a stack of DVD’s from his backpack. “‘Up,’ ‘Scott Pilgrim,’ ‘Breakfast Club,’ ‘Star Wars,’ and ‘Avatar.’ These are my top five favorite movies and we’re gonna watch all of them.”

“And when do you plan on us doing this?”

“How about tomorrow night?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. That’s what Shane and I are doing.”

Sam’s face drops. “Well, what’re you watching?”

“Some superhero movie. Um, ‘Green…”

“‘Green Lantern?’ You’re gonna watch that dumpster fire of a movie?”

She shrugs innocently. “It’s one of his favorite movies and he wants me to see it.”

“Well Sunday, after church, we’re gonna watch the greatest movie of all-time.” He gleefully holds up the Avatar DVD.

She sighs. “Isn’t that movie two and half hours long?”

“Two hours and 42 minutes.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Hey, if I can sit through ‘Titanic’ then you sit through this.”

She smiles.

“Are you guys getting ready for after school?”

“Nope. Rachel wants it to be organic.”

“What?”

“Don’t ask me.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

“Welcome to the riff-off!” announces Mr. Shue.

The two teams are facing each other in the choir room. Duly Noted on the risers and the Trouble Tones in front of the piano with Mr. Shue in the middle. Miss Pillsbury and Coach Beiste are on the sides.

“To win, you must steal the song away from the group that is singing by picking off a word of their song and making it the first word of yours. If you can’t think of a song, you are…” He claps twice. “Cut off. If you repeat a song, you are…” He claps twice again. “If you don’t stay on pitch, you are…”

Everyone claps twice. “Cut off!”

“Also, the more times your team jumps in with a new song, the more points you get.”

Everyone looks at each other excitedly.

Sam waves to Mercedes. Then, he mouths and gestures, “I’m taking you down.”

Mercedes shrugs in response and mouths, “Bring it.”

Coach Beiste brings out a giant wheel.

“Here are all your categories,” says Mr. Shue.

The teams take a good look at them.

“Okay, the first round is…”

Miss Pillsbury wipes the handle then spins the wheel.

“Ladies from the 80s!”

Rory immediately starts singing Toni Basil’s, “Mickey.” Duly Noted joins him.

 **Rory:**  
Oh Mickey, you're so fine  
  
 **Rory with Duly Noted:**  
You're so fine you blow my mind  
Hey Mickey, Hey Hey Hey Mickey  
Oh Mickey, you're so fine--

The song is quickly stolen by Rachel and the Trouble Tones who sing Madonna’s, “Like A Virgin.”

 **Rachel:**  
You're so fine and you're mine  
I'll be yours till the end of time  
Cause you make me feel  
Yeah you make me feel ( **M** **ercedes:** Ooh yeah)  
So shiny and new ( **Tina:** Oh yeah)  
Like a virgin ( **Kurt:** Like a virgin)  
Touched for the very first time ( **Santana:** Touched for the first time)  
Like the--

Quinn steals with Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”

 **Quinn:**  
Like the one in me  
That's O.K.  
Let's see how you do it  
  
 **Quinn with Trouble Tones:**  
Put up your dukes  
Let's get down to it  
Hit me with your best shot  
Why don't you hit me with your best shot  
Hit me with your best shot  
Fire away 

Mr. Shue cuts them off. “Awesome guys! After the first round, it’s the Trouble Tones in the lead!”

The girls and Kurt cheer.

“Now, the second round.”

Ms. Pillsbury wipes the handle again and it lands on…

“Songs about…sex,” Mr. Shue says uncomfortably.

“Sex?” questions Ms. Pillsbury.

Santana and Brittany immediately start singing Rihanna’s, “S&M.”

 **Santana and Brittany:**  
Sticks and stones may break my bones  
But chains and whips excite me  
  
 **Santana:**  
Cause I may be bad ( **Brittany:** Come on, come on, I like it like it come on)  
But I'm perfectly good at it  
Sex--

Puck steps up and sings, Salt ‘n’ Pepa’s, “Let’s Talk About Sex.”

 **Puck:**  
Sex baby  
  
 **Puck with Treblemakers:**  
Let's talk about you and me  
Let's talk about all the good things  
And the bad things that may be  
Let's talk about sex  
  
( **Artie:** Alright)  
Let's talk about sex  
  
( **Artie:** A little bit, a little bit)  
Let's talk about sex, baby--

Tina and Kurt step up singing Boyz II Men’s, “I’ll Make Love To You.”

 **Tina:**  
Baby, all through the night  
I'll make love to you  
  
 **Tina and Kurt:**  
Like you want me too  
And I--

Sam steals with Foreigner’s, “Feels Like The First Time.” He sings to Mercedes while Rachel rolls her eyes.

 **Sam:**  
And I guess it's just the woman in you  
That brings out the man in me  
I know I can't help myself  
You're all in the world to me  
  
 **Sam with Duly Noted:**  
It feels like the first time  
It feels like the very first time  
It feels like the first time  
It--

Mercedes jumps in, LOUD, rapping Blackstreet’s “No Diggity.”

 **Mercedes:**  
It's going down, fade to Blackstreet  
The homies got RB, collab' creations   
bump like acne, No doubt   
I put it down, never slouch  
As long as my credit can vouch  
A dog couldn't catch me, straight up  
Tell me who could stop when Dre making moves  
Attracting honeys like a magnet  
Giving them eargasms with my mellow accent  
Still moving this flavor  
with the homies Blackstreet and Teddy  
The original rump shakers

Stunned by her performance, no one moves. She looks around for help no one seems to know it. She goes deeper into the song…

Shorty get down, good Lord  
Baby got 'em open all over town

Kurt joins her.

**Mercedes and Kurt:**

Strictly biz, she don't play around  
Cover much ground, got game by the pound  
Getting paid is a forte  
Each and every day, true player way  
I can't get her outta my mind ( **Kurt:** Well)  
I think about the girl all the time ( **Santana:** Oh ooh)  
  


**Mercedes (and Santana) with Trouble Tones:**

I like the way you work it

No diggity, I got to bag it up, baby

Mercedes starts walking towards the boys and sings in their faces. And the boys actually start singing the “eh yo, eh yo, eh yo, eh yo” part.

(I like the way you work it)

No diggity, I got to bag it up, baby

(I like the way you work it)

No diggity, I got to bag it up, babe

Rachel doesn’t participate. Angry that Mercedes was able to sing a song that got everyone singing and having fun.

(I like the way you work it)

No diggity, I got to bag it up

We out. 

They finish and everyone applauds Mercedes and are cheering.

Mr. Shue steps up. “I’m sorry Trouble Tones. The word from the song you needed to match was **it**. You sang **it’s**.”

“Then why didn’t you stop us?” asks Kurt.

“I love that song,” he smiles. “Unfortunately, you are…” He claps twice. “Cut off.” He raises Sam’s hand. “Duly Noted wins!”

The boys go crazy and cheer.

“Sorry ladies!” yells Puck as they leave the room.

“And Kurt!” shouts Blaine.

The teachers start walking out of the room too.

Mercedes turns to the team. “Technicality or not, what we just did was great!”

The other team members start to agree.

“Calm your pits, Mercedes. It’s your fault that we lost,” says Rachel.

“Yeah, but it was spontaneous. There were no rules. And we were…”

Rachel interrupts her. “Since we lost, we’re going to practice for an extra hour tomorrow,” she snips.

The rest of the team groans.

“I will see you all tomorrow.” She storms out of the choir room.

The rest of the group starts gathering their things.

“No matter what she says that was still the best we’ve ever sounded,” says Kurt.

“Yeah,” agrees Tina. “I’m getting so sick of her being the leader.”

“Can’t you talk to Mr. Shue?” asks Quinn.

“Mr. Shue won’t do anything,” quips Santana. “He’s too far up Rachel and Finn’s asses to ever tell them no.”

“I agree with you guys,” says Mercedes. “But unfortunately, Rachel’s in charge. But we should all go home and get some rest for our three hour rehearsal tomorrow.”

“I’m not joking, I will punch her in her comically large Jewish nose one of these days,” says Santana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: Pitch Perfect- "Riff-Off"


	7. Election Candidates

* * *

On Sunday, Mercedes and Sam are hanging out in Mercedes’ room and she’s showing him some music she’s been working on. She has her headphones on.

“So, I find songs with the same chord progressions and create a track that blends them all together.” She points to the screen. “This is the new baseline, this matches up the downbeats and…” She takes off her headphones. “I’m talking really loud, aren’t I?” she giggles.

He nods.

“And that’s me singing.”

He takes the headphones and listens to Mercedes’ mash-up. His eyes light up, clearly impressed. “This is really good!” He says extra loudly. He sees her startled face. “Now I’m yelling, right?”

She smiles and he takes off the headphones.

He holds up the Avatar DVD. “Now, I brought this over ‘cuz I want to watch you watch this and then I can die a hero.” He inserts the DVD into her DVD player and turns off the lights. They sit in her bed, now only lit up by the TV screen.

“You have this habit of making yourself at home, did you know that?” she asks him.

He playfully puts a couple of his fingers on her mouth. “Ssssshhhhh.” He sighs. “‘Avatar’, 2009. Greatest sci-fi/romance movie ever. And an interracial love story? This movie is perfect for us.”

“Us?”

“I mean if we were going out.”

She looks at him, more amused by what he said than the movie.

He turns to her. “You’re missing the movie.”

They hold each other’s gaze. Inches away from each other’s faces, he makes a move. Then, her phone starts ringing.

She picks it up and sees a name that brings back down to earth. “It’s Shane.” She answers. “Hey babe. Yeah, you can come over. Okay, I’ll see you soon. Bye.” She hangs up and sees Sam’s heartbroken face. “I’m sorry.”

He clears his throat. “It’s okay. We can just watch this another time.” He gathers up his things and purposefully leaves Avatar. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Sammy.”

He smiles sadly and leaves her room.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

Before rehearsal that Monday, the Trouble Tones are gathered around the piano gossiping about the student election. They hear Rachel walk in.

“Heard you snaked your way onto the class president ballot,” says Santana.

Rachel sees Kurt’s very pissed face. “W-who told you that?” she asks nervously.

“Coach Beiste,” answers Quinn.

Kurt steps up. “I think we should talk, don’t you?”

She nods and they walk outside the auditorium.

“Kurt, you see how much of a toehold Mercedes has with the group, okay? Team captain is gonna be taken away from me and I need something to boost my application. So I figured, if I win, I’ll make you vice president, and then maybe you could just do vice-versa.”

“Rachel, if you win, yes, it’ll better your chances of getting into NYADA, yes. But if I win, it could make a huge difference at this school. Not just for me, but kids like me. Things could actually change for them. So, whatever it takes, I’m winning.”

“Look, I just…I need something for my senior year that’s gonna make me special, that’s gonna make me stand out. I thought this project was gonna be that. You understand. You’re just as ambitious as I am; that’s why we’re friends.”

“But if you actually started treating the team nicer, they wouldn’t be against you so much. Look, in ten years, when you look back on this time, you’re not gonna be thinking about the clubs you belonged to. You’ll be thinking about the friends you had and the ones you just tossed aside.”

She looks like she’s about to cry.

“Come on. We’ve wasted enough time on this.” He starts walking back into rehearsal. He turns around. “And congratulations, you’ve lost your only friend.”

…

The Trouble Tones rehearse “Turn The Beat Around” and Tina solos. She misses the high note and Rachel winces as they hit their final pose. They look exhausted.

“I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously,” says Sugar.

“How much have you done?” asks Rachel.

“You just saw it.”

“Guys, that was better but we have a long way to go before our first check-in. Tina, you have to be able to hit that last note.”

Tina sighs. “I can’t,” she says. “It’s too high for me.”

“Well if you can’t, then someone else needs to step up and solo.”

“I think Mercedes should take my solo.”

“Mercedes could nail that shit,” says Santana.

They all agree except for Rachel.

“She’d never want to,” she says.

“Oh, I’ll solo. On one condition. We pick a new song and I get to do the arrangement,” says Mercedes.

A direct challenge to Rachel. The team shifts, uneasy.

“That’s not how we’re doing things here.”

“Rachel, maybe Mercedes’ right. Maybe we should try something new,” says Tina.

“Excuse me?! You will be singing ‘Turn the Beat Around’ and that’s the last I want to hear of this.”

“That song’s tired,” says Mercedes. “We won’t win with it. If we pulled samples from different genres--”

“Let me explain this to you because you still don’t seem to understand. I am in charge and I get to pick what we sing, how we sing it, and what the choreography is. So excuse me if I don’t take advice from a girl who is a ‘park and bark’ who only ‘feels’ her material instead of rehearsing. Have I made myself clear?”

All the air is taken out of the room. They can’t believe she just said that.

Mercedes takes a deep breath and withdrawals. “I won’t solo.”

“Fine. Santana?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You’ll solo.”

Santana fist pumps, “Yes! Thank you for making a smart decision for once, Yentl.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

After rehearsal, Rachel walks to her locker and sees Finn standing there.

“We can’t be seen together, Finn,” says Rachel.

“Kurt told me about the election,” says Finn.

She sighs and opens her locker. “Look, Finn, I need these leadership titles in order to get into NYADA.”

“By being Student Class President?”

“No matter what college you go to, they want well-rounded students now. I can’t just be all about glee. By the way, you need to start thinking about your future, too.”

“Don’t change the subject. I’m thinking about my brother who needs to win this a lot more.”

“How could you say that?”

“Because it’s true. Rachel, you’re gonna get in because you’re immensely talented. Not that Kurt isn’t, but your talent is more obvious than his and it upsets me that you’re not thinking about your friend during a time like this.”

“Well, according to Kurt, we aren’t friends anymore. What else did he ask about the election?”

“He asked me who I was voting for.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t know.” He walks away from her, disappointed.


	8. Check-In #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girls' costumes: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867477154/  
> Kurt's costume: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583868819230/  
> Boys' costumes: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867475397/, https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867475409/

* * *

“This is getting exhausting,” says Sam when he walks up to Mercedes at his locker.

She smiles. “What is?”

“This competition.”

“We’ve only done one battle and you guys won.”

He shrugs. “I guess that’s true.”

Shane walks up to them. “Hey, babe, I’m starving so you wanna go get some cheeseburgers?”

“You should lay off the burgers, man,” says Sam. “You won’t be 17 forever.”

“I’m already this big, so I can deal.” He turns to Mercedes. “You ready to go?”

She nods. “I’ll see you at the check-in later.”

Sam nods and Mercedes and Shane walk away hand in hand.

“And the chess match continues,” says Sam to himself.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

Later that day, everyone is gathered in the auditorium, doing some last minute touches on costumes and hair. The Trouble Tones are wearing the same shade of pink, but picked a dress or an outfit that suits their style. While Duly Noted is wearing their Justin Beiber-esque costumes. Artie’s wearing orange, Sam’s wearing purple, Puck’s wearing grey, Blaine’s wearing blue, Finn’s wearing red, Mike’s wearing black, and Rory’s obviously wearing green.

Kurt and Blaine are talking when Rachel walks over to them.

“Kurt, can we talk?” she asks.

“Excuse me,” says Blaine and goes over to the boys team.

Kurt doesn’t say anything.

“I-I really, I… I really miss you, Kurt. And I just… I just… I really want to be your friend again.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before you walked all over me in your borderline-sociopathic climb to the top.” He walks away and sits down next to Mercedes.

“Hello everyone! Welcome to your first formal competition!” announces Mr. Shue from the stage.

Everyone cheers and applauds. They’re definitely hyped up.

“The Riff-Off was just a warm-up. This is the real deal. It’s time to show us judges what you’ve got!”

They cheer again.

“Remember you’re being judged on song selection, choreography, costumes, soloists and overall performance. Now, first up is the Trouble Tones!”

They get up as Mr. Shue goes to the judging table. The Trouble Tones gets set and Rachel counts them in.

“One, two, three, four.”

They start harmonizing.

**Tina (Trouble Tones):**

Whoa-oa yeah

(I) I gotta new life

You would hardly recognize me

(I) I’m so glad

How could a person like me care for you?

Why do I bother when you’re not the one for me?

(Is enough enough)

Tina hands the mic to Rachel.

**Rachel (with Trouble Tones):**

(I) saw the sign and (it opened up my eyes)

And I am happy now (living without you)

I’ve left you all alone

(I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes)

**Rachel:**

I saw the sign ( **Trouble Tones** : I saw the sign I saw the sign)

I saw the sign ( **Trouble Tones** : I saw the sign I saw the sign)

I saw the sign

Rachel hands the mic to Quinn.

**Quinn (with Trouble Tones):**

Close your eyes

Give me your hand (darlin’)

Do you feel my heart (beating)

Do you understand

Do you feel the same

Am I only (dreamin’)

Or is this burning an eternal flame

The boys and the judges are trying to look interested, but this set isn’t fun. Their costumes are too bland and the choreography isn’t exciting. They mainly do arm choreography and move from one formation to the next.

Say my name

(Sun shines through the rain)

(A whole life) so lonely

Then you come and ease the pain

(I don’t want to lose this feeling)

Is this burning an eternal flame

Quinn hands the mic to Santana. She knows the boys and the judges are dozing off, so she’s gonna amp them back up.

**Trouble Tones (Santana):**

Turn it around

Turn it around

Turn it turn it, [X4]

Turn it around

(Aw yeah!)

Turn the beat around love to hear percussion

( **Santana** : Turn the beat around…love to hear percussion)

Turn it upside down love to hear percussion

( **Santana** : Turn it upside down…love to hear percussion)

Turn the beat around love to hear percussion

Santana’s putting her own flavor on it. Making it sexy and she’s reinvigorating everyone around her, except for Rachel. She sees the performance and starts getting angry. This is not how they rehearsed it. She should’ve known that Santana was gonna make a mockery out of it.

( **Santana** : Turn the beat around you gotta turn it around)

Turn it upside down love to hear it

( **Santana** : Turn the beat around you gotta turn it around)

Love to hear it love to hear percussion

Turn it around

Turn it around

Turn it turn it, [X4]

Turn it around

They hit their final pose. The boys are cheering, presumably because of Santana’s performance. But Rachel’s pissed.

“Thank you, Trouble Tones. It’s now time for the Duly Noted to take the stage,” announces Mr. Shue from the judging panel.

The Trouble Tones exit as Duly Noted takes the stage.

Sam mouths, “That was so good,” to Mercedes.

She rolls her eyes in response while Rachel sees the exchange and gives Sam a death glare.

Duly Noted gets set and Mike starts with the percussion.

**Duly Noted:**

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

**Artie:**

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

**Puck:**

Walk out that house with my swagger

Hop in there with dough, I got places to go!

People to see, time is precious

I looked at my cotty, are ya out of control?

Just like my mind where I’m goin’

No women, no shawties, no nothin’ but clothes

No stoppin’ now, my Pirellis on roll

I like my jewelry that’s always on, whoa

**Sam:**

I know the storm is comin’

My pockets keep tellin’ me it’s gonna shower

Call up my homies, it’s on

Then pop in the next ‘cause it’s meant be ours

We keep a fade-away shot

‘Cause we ballin’ it’s Platinum Patron that be ours

Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers

Girl you the drink with all that goodie powers

Mercedes looks on, amused at Sam’s performance. Rachel clocks this, again.

**Duly Noted:**

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

**Finn:**

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

**Duly Noted:**

From the top of the pole, I watch her go down

She got me throwin’ my money around

Ain’t nothin’ more beautiful to be found

It’s goin’ down, down

From the top of the pole, I watch her go down

She got me throwin’ my money around

Ain’t nothin’ more beautiful to be found

It’s goin’ down, down

Shawty must know I’m the man

My money love her like her number one fan

Don’t open my mouth, let her talk to my Bens

My Benjamin Frank-el-ens

A couple of grands, I got rubber bands

My paper planes makin’ her dance

Get dirty all night, that’s part of my plan

We buildin’ castles that’s made out of sand

She’s amazin’, her fire blazin’

Hotter than Cajun, girl won’t you move a lil’ closer?

Time to get paid, it’s maximum wage

That body belong on a poster

I’m in a daze, that body is wavin’ at me

Like, “Damn it, I told you”

You wanna shoot like a gun out of holster

Tell me whatever and I’ll be your chauffeur

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

The boys’ choreography is so cool and intricate, very different from the girls’. They actually look like they’re having fun.

**Artie:**

You spin my head right round, right round

When you go down, when you go down down

**Duly Noted:**

From the top of the pole, I watch her go down

She got me throwin’ my money around

Ain’t nothin’ more beautiful to be found

It’s goin’ down, down

From the top of the pole, I watch her go down

She got me throwin’ my money around

Ain’t nothin’ more beautiful to be found

It’s goin’ down, down

I’m spendin’ my money, I’m out of control

Somebody help me, she’s takin’ my bank roll

But I’m king in the club, and I’m wearin’ the crown

Poppin’ these bottles, touchin’ these models

Watchin’ they asses go down, down

**Duly Noted (Artie):**

You spin my head right round, right round (you spin my head)

When you go down, when you go down down (Oh, yeah)

**Duly Noted (Sam):**

You spin my head right round, right round (you spin my head)

When you go down, when you go down down (when you go down)

**Duly Noted (Finn):**

You spin my head right round, right round (you spin my head)

When you go down, when you go down down (spin it around and around)

**Duly Noted (Puck):**

You spin my head right round, right round (you spin my head)

When you go down, when you go down down (when you go down)

There’s applause and cheers from the audience when they finish.

Mr. Shue walks back on the stage. “Great job, everyone! You guys have really worked hard these past two weeks! Now, after I announce who the winner is, team captains will come and get their score sheets and see what they can improve or emphasize for next time.”

Rachel and Blaine nod.

“The winners are… Duly Noted!”

The boys cheer and run onstage while the girls and Kurt slump in their chairs.

“Damn! I for sure thought when I took the mic it would tip the scales in our favor,” says Santana.

Rachel gets up and collects the team’s score sheet. She sees comments like, “Need more recent music”, “choreography needs to be more exciting”, and “actually work together as a team”. She huffs loudly and walks back over to the team. “I’m calling an emergency Trouble Tones meeting, tonight. We need to be in a secure location to talk about our score sheet.”

“Um, we can have it at my place,” offers Mercedes.

“Fine. Tonight at 7:00.” She storms out.

“I’m surprised she didn’t fight you on that,” says Quinn.

“Come on guys, let’s go change,” says Mercedes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Bellas Regionals: The Sign/Eternal Flame/Turn the Beat Around”- Pitch Perfect  
> “Right Round”- Pitch Perfect


	9. Check-In #2

* * *

Later that night, Rachel blows the pitch pipe. “This emergency Trouble Tones meeting will now come to order.”

Mercedes rolls her eyes as they gather in her room.

“First up, our score sheet revealed that Duly Noted beat us by 15 points. We need to bust our asses if we’re going to win.”

“Or try a new approach…” suggests Mercedes.

“Enough with that, Mercedes!”

“Look, the reason why we lost to the boys is because they sold that performance. Being good isn’t enough to win. We have to be different.”

“Mercedes is right. I bet the boys aren’t gonna do the same shit twice,” says Santana.

“Mr. Shue, Ms. Pillsbury, and Coach Beiste loved Duly Noted. They tolerated us. Rachel, we could seriously be a force to be reckoned with if you would just let me teach you my music.” Mercedes moves to her workstation and turns on her computer. “Look, I’ve been working on this arrangement.” She starts playing the keyboard, and multi-tasking with her equipment. The music plays and the song gets more and more layered.

“I didn’t know you were into all this,” says Kurt. “This is so cool!”

The rest are intrigued by Mercedes’ music.

Finally, Rachel snaps Mercedes’ computer screen shut. “You’ve caused enough distractions for one night. I have the pitch pipe, and I say we focus on the set list I created.” She turns to the group. “From now on, we eat, sleep, and pee rehearsal. No more wasting our time with work, school, boyfriends, girlfriends. Last year, we didn’t win Nationals because we weren’t focused, I promise you that is not gonna happen again.”

“I don’t know. Maybe Mercedes--” starts Tina.

Rachel holds up the ‘Zip it’ gesture and Tina cowers in response.

“You are on thin ice Tina,” she says coldly. “You of all people should not be questioning me.” She sighs. “We’re starting bright and early tomorrow morning.” She storms out the door. The rest of the team begrudgingly follow her out. Mercedes sits there, frustrated.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

The next Monday, Rachel and Mercedes are in the cafeteria finishing up their conversation. At the end they hug and Shane watches from afar.

Mercedes walks over to him and they sit down at a table.

“Baby, what was that?”

“What?”

“You just hugged your arch-nemesis. You think before I cleat some dude I hug him? You think Wonder Woman hugs the Cheetah before the Amazonian smackdown?”

“I have to keep some type of peace. I just told her I would back off from now on.”

“No, you’re not. You have to stand up to her, otherwise you guys are gonna lose.”

“Don’t be going crazy now on me, Shane.”

“People are saying that Rachel Berry’s the leader. Why don’t you know that you’re the leader? You’re fabulous, baby.”

“I know…”

“You don’t. You always make me watch ‘Dreamgirls’. You say you’re Beyoncé, but on the inside you feel like Effie White. You’re better than Rachel Berry, baby.”

“I’ve been here for three years…and no one’s ever said that to me.”

“Well, it’s about time someone did.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

The next Friday, everyone’s waiting in the auditorium for the next check-in to start, but all the judges are running a little bit late. Bored, with nothing to do, Tina starts singing.

**Tina:**

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan

Santana jumps in with an alto harmony.

**Tina and Santana:**

Welcome to the land of fame, excess, am I gonna fit in?

**Tina, Santana, Mercedes, Kurt, Blaine, and Brittany:**

I jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time

Rory, Mike, and Sugar start making the background vocals.

**Tina, Santana, Mercedes, Kurt, Blaine, Brittany, Artie, and Sam:**

Look to my right, and I see the Hollywood sign, this is all so crazy

**Tina, Santana, Mercedes, Kurt, Blaine, Brittany, Artie, Sam, and Puck:**

Everybody seems so famous

Rachel’s sitting there, not wanting to participate.

**Tina, Santana, Mercedes, Kurt, Blaine, Brittany, Artie, Sam, Quinn, Finn, and Puck:**

My tummy’s turning, and I’m feeling kinda homesick

Too much pressure, and I’m nervous

That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio

And the Jay-Z song was on

**All:**

And the Jay-Z song was on

And the Jay-Z song was on!

The Trouble Tones start egging her on. Begging her to join in. She looks around at everyone and finally gives in.

( **Rachel** : So I put my) hands up, they’re playing my song

The butterflies fly away

Nodding my head like yeah

Moving my hips like yeah

I got my hands up, they’re playing my song

I know I’m gonna be ok

Yeah...it’s a party in the U.S.A

**Mercedes:**

Yeah...it’s a party in the U.S.A

They finish the song as the judges walk into the auditorium.

“Thank you for patiently waiting, everyone,” says Mr. Shue. “Sorry about the delay, but it sounds like you guys found a way to entertain yourselves.”

“And it sounded really good, too, you guys,” says Coach Beiste.

Everyone looks around and smiles at each other.

“Okay, we’ve wasted enough time. Duly Noted, you are up first.”

The boys go onstage and get set.

**Artie:**

My baby’s always dancin’

And it wouldn’t be a bad thing

But I don’t get no loving

And that’s no lie

We spent the night in Frisco

At every kind of disco

And from that night I kissed

Our love goodbye

**Artie with Duly Noted:**

Don’t blame it on sunshine

Don’t blame it on moonlight

Don’t blame it on good times

Blame it on the boogie

The ladies and Kurt are captivated by Artie’s performance.

“I will never get over his voice,” whispers Kurt to Mercedes.

“It’s over. There’s no way we can beat the boys with our boring shit,” says Santana.

**Artie with Duly Noted:**

Don’t you blame it on sunshine

Don’t blame it on moonlight

Don’t blame it on good times

Blame it on the boogie

Hey, I just can’t

I just can’t

I just can’t control my feet, so

Blame it on the boogie!

There’s cheers and applause from the audience.

“Great job, Duly Noted!” says Mr. Shue. “Okay, Trouble Tones, you’re up.”

Duly Noted exits the stage as the Trouble Tones head to the wings.

“I thought Artie couldn’t dance,” says Brittany to Santana.

“Aca-huddle!” says Rachel. “Don’t let the boys psyche you out. If we do it exactly as we rehearsed, we will beat the boys, okay?” She looks at both Mercedes and Santana. “Exactly.”

They head out onto the stage and get set. Rachel blows the pitch pipe.

“One, two, three, four.”

**Trouble Tones (Tina):**

Whoah, ah, oh, oh, oh oh! (Whoah whoah yeah!)

**Trouble Tones:**

Aaaah! Dadada

**Tina (Trouble Tones):**

(I) gotta new life

You would hardly recognize me I’m so glad (I)

How could a person like me care for you? (Aaaah yeah)

Why do I bother (Aaaah yeah)

When you’re not the one for me

**Trouble Tones:**

Oooh

Mercedes’s eyes bounce from the low-energy from Duly Noted, to the judges, back to Duly Noted. Finally, she makes a decision.

 **Tina with Trouble Tones** :

Is enough, enough?

From the back of the line and much to the Trouble Tones’ surprise, she pipes in with La Roux’s, “Bulletproof.” It matches perfectly.

**Rachel (Mercedes):**

I saw the sign and (This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof)

Rachel gives Mercedes a dirty look. But she keeps on singing her mash-up.

**Rachel with Trouble Tones:**

It opened up my eyes

**Rachel:**

And I am happy now

**Trouble Tones:**

Living without you

Mercedes’ mash-up revitalizes them. The judges lean forward. It’s awesome, until flustered, Rachel flubs up a little choreography.

**Rachel (Mercedes):**

I’ve left you all alone (This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof)

**Rachel with Trouble Tones:**

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes

**Rachel (Mercedes):**

I saw the sign (Bulletproof)

I saw the sign (Bulletproof)

I saw the sign (Bulletproof)

…

After their set, the judges leave to deliberate. The Trouble Tones walk off the stage and into the audience. 

Rachel storms over to Mercedes. “What the hell, Mercedes, were you trying to screw us up?”

“Are you serious?”

Duly Noted, including Sam, walk over to listen.

“Newsflash, this isn’t the Mercedes show!”

“Hey, in case you hadn’t noticed everyone pretty much dozed off during our set!”

“It’s not up to you to decide what we do and when we do it. Why don’t you ask the rest of the group how they felt about your little improvisation?”

The gang shuffles awkwardly for a beat, saying nothing.

Mercedes turns and looks at Kurt. “Kurt?”

“I mean, it was cool and all, but… I guess it sorta took us a little by surprise.”

The other group members mumble reluctant agreement.

“Yeah, a lot by surprise.”

“Rachel, don’t--” starts Tina.

“It’s okay, Tina. I mean… you don’t actually think you have a say, do you?”

Tina has a hurt look on her face.

“Your attitude sucks, you’re a Grade A pain in my ass, and I know you’re hooking up with Sam!”

Hearing his name, he crosses over and chimes in. “Rachel, calm down. She’s not. I swear.”

Mercedes turns to him. “God, Sam! You are always there! Just leave me alone!”

Sam gets a crushing look on his face.

The auditorium doors open and the judges come back.

Mercedes looks at Rachel and the Trouble Tones. There’s a sense that it’s them versus her. “Jesus, this is what I get for trying to be a team player! You know what? I quit.” She starts walking out of the auditorium.

“Mercedes, wait!” yells Mr. Shue.

She whips around quickly and sniffles. “W-why is it that no one ever wants to hurt her feelings? You know, it’s always been ‘The Rachel Berry Show’ around here. But it’s not gonna be for me. No, not my senior year.”

“Mercedes, please don’t make this a stupid pride thing,” pleads Mr. Shue.

“Oh, it’s a pride thing. But it’s not stupid.” She looks at Rachel. “Congratulations. You got what you wanted. Me, out on my ass.” Turns and finishes walking out of the auditorium.

“Let this be a lesson to everybody. Sing the same girly shit every time you compete, someone will quit,” says Puck.

“He’s not wrong,” agrees Santana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used: Party in the USA- Pitch Perfect, Blame it on the Boogie- Pitch Perfect, and Bellas Semi-Finals- Pitch Perfect


	10. The Fallout

* * *

The next week, the glee club’s meeting in the choir room. Everyone’s on edge, not knowing what’s gonna happen now.

“You know what, girl Chang? If you cry every time someone gets a hangnail, it kind of starts to lose its effect,” says Santana, annoyed.

“It’s not a hangnail,” answers Tina. “Mercedes was one of Glee’s original members. I feel naked in here without her.”

“Yeah? Well, get used to it, ‘cause without her singing for us, we’re going to have to perform naked for the judges to vote for us at Sectionals,” says Puck.

Mr. Shue walks in. “No. I will not let this setback crush our spirits. I mean, we’ve handled worse.”

“Than losing one of our best singers?” asks Mike.

“Kind of hard not to blame you, Mr. Shue,” says Quinn.

“Yeah,” Tina pipes in. “Why couldn’t you have just given the leadership role to Mercedes? We wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Because that would’ve damaged Rachel’s already fragile psyche,” answers Mr. Shue.

Rachel walks in with a pep in her step. “Sorry I am late. I was putting up posters for my…” She sees Kurt’s angry look. “…for my campaign.”

“Did you airbrush out your jowls?” Kurt asks bitchily.

“No!”

“Look, let’s stop it, everybody!” yells Finn. “So, we lost a singer. So, we’re canceling the competition.”

Rachel stands up. “Wait, what? No, no, no, no. You can’t cancel the competition!”

“It’s brought out too much animosity, Rachel,” says Mr. Shue.

She sinks back down in her seat.

“The point is, right now, we shouldn’t be turning on each other,” finishes Finn.

Blaine stands up. “I agree. I can only speak from my experience with the Warblers, but no show choir is just one person; it’s a team. When we lost a Warbler, we just replaced him with another one.”

“Which is easy to say when your waiting list has a waiting list. Dude, I know you’re a big deal at Dalton or whatever, but we don’t wear blazers here, so have a seat--I’m trying to give a pep talk.”

There’s awkward looks exchanged around the room.

“Didn’t you just say something about us not turning on each other?”

“No, you can’t cancel the competition,” says Rachel. “Okay? It’s the only good thing I have going for me right now.”

Finn gives her a look.

“Except for you, of course.”

“The competition is canceled,” says Mr. Shue. “And as for Mercedes, yes, that is a huge loss for us, but we will deal with replacing her later. Right now, we need to focus on what we’re performing at Sectionals.”

The group looks around sadly.

“Alright! Let’s get to work!” He claps his hands.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

After school, Mercedes’ alone in her room. Not surprisingly, she’s unsatisfied, seeing she has nothing to do with her free time. She goes downstairs and thumbs through her family’s DVD collection and lands on “The Breakfast Club.”

… 

Mercedes, fighting back tears, wears her headphones. She’s watching the ending of “The Breakfast Club” and understands why it’s one of Sam’s favorite movies. She cries, but then starts laughing. She needs to talk to someone.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

The next morning, Mercedes goes to Ms. Pillsbury’s office. She knocks on the door.

Ms. Pillsbury looks up from straightening up her desk. “Oh. Mercedes. What can I do for you?”

“I know I’m not on good terms with basically anyone, but I need someone to talk to.”

“Honey, I would never turn you away.” She gestures for Mercedes to take a seat. “What do you need to talk about?”

“Here’s the problem: Sam and I used to date, but then he moved away. And I started dating another guy who I really like. But then Sam and I have been hanging out a lot and I feel really weird about it, because I’m pretty sure I have stronger feelings for Sam instead of my boyfriend,” she spews out. She takes a deep breath. “I’m just trying to figure out a way to work this out without anyone’s feelings getting hurt.”

“Actually, you’re in luck because I just got my new series of pamphlets back from the printer, which uniquely address the modern-day issues of today’s 21st century teen.” She grabs the pamphlet from her file cabinet.

“’So You’re a Two-Timin’ Ho’?” Mercedes reads.

“Right? It got your attention, didn’t it? I mean, that…that really makes you want to read on.”

“Miss Pillsbury, I don’t sleep around. That’s not me.”

“Okay.”

“I’m just trying to listen to my heart, and it’s like I can’t hear what it’s trying to tell me."

“Well, if you really want to listen, then you need to stop talking.” Mercedes gives her a confused look. “I’m serious. You know, there’s a lot of communication in your life these days. With texting and IM’ing and Facebooking, I mean, you don’t have any quiet time with yourself to make informed decisions on your true feelings.”

“I know what you mean. Before I yelled at him, Sam tweeted that I smelled good and refused to stop until it was trending.”

“This is my point. I think that you should spend a week not talking to either Sam or Shane. No emails, no texts, nothing. And I think, at the end of that week, you’ll have  
a much better idea of what your true feelings are.”

Mercedes smiles softly. “Thanks Ms. P.”

“And I also think you should do something that’ll make you happy. Like going back to glee club.”

Mercedes looks at her like she’s crazy. “Why would I do that? I’m pretty sure they hate me ‘cuz I quit.”

“They don’t hate you. They’re floundering without you. Mr. Shue even canceled the competition.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. With the exception of Blaine, you’re the only one who knows how to do this. You’re a leader, Mercedes. They need you back.”

“I’ll think about it.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

Santana catches up with Finn and Rory in the hallway. “Hey, Tubs, can I talk to you for a second?

“Hey, listen here,” says Rory. “You can’t make fun of Finn anymore.”

“Shut your potato hole. I’m here to apologize.” She sighs. “Look, I haven’t been fair to you. You’re not fat. I should know, I slept with you. I mean, at some point, I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who’s had one-too-many back-alley liposuctions.”

“Whoa,” says Rory in shock.

She turns to Rory. “Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I’m trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown.” She turns back to Finn. “I am sorry, Finn. I mean, really, I’m-I’m sorry that your midget girlfriend ruined Sectionals for us. I’m sorry that everyone likes Blaine better than you. I’m also sorry that you have no talent. I’m sorry that you sing like you’re getting your prostate checked and you dance like you’ve been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel’s coattails for the rest of your life. Although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time, if I were him, because if I were her, I’d stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights.” She walks away after delivering one of the sickest take downs anyone has ever seen.

“Hey, Santana. Why don't you just come out of the closet?” Santana stops. “You know, I think I know why you’re so good at tearing everybody else down. It’s because you’re constantly tearing yourself down, because you can’t admit to everybody that you’re in love with Brittany and she might not love you back. That must hurt, to not be able to admit to everyone how you really feel. You know what I think you are? A coward.”

She gets tears in her eyes and runs to the bathroom.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

The next day, Santana and Brittany are walking down the hall.

“I think you need to stop making fun of Finn,” says Brittany. “We need each other now more than ever and you’re being really harsh.”

“Manatees have really thick skin.”

Becky runs up to them. “Santana, Coach Sue needs you in her office right away.”

…

Santana walks into Sue’s office and sees Mr. Shue and Burt. “What’s going on?”

“Have a seat, Santana,” says Mr. Shue.

She sits in the chair she always sits in when she’s in Sue’s office.

“I’m afraid we have some bad news, and I think I might be to blame,” says Sue.

“Oh, you think?” says Burt.

“Watch your blood pressure, Bubbles,” Sue threatens. “In my campaign to become Ohio’s newest congresswoman, I’ve said some things that are not true, and I don’t feel good about it. I set the tone for this campaign, and now I’m afraid my slanderous chickens have come home to roost.”

Santana gives her a confused look.

“Santana, you should know that I have the phone number of a counselor who specializes in this,” says Mr. Shue.

“And it’s something that, uh, I’ve been through first-hand, and I’d be willing to talk your family through it,” says Burt.

“What are you… What are you talking about?” asks Santana.

“Reggie ‘The Sauce’ Salazar sent me an advance copy of his latest campaign ad,” says Sue. “It turns out he has a nephew who goes to this school, and he overheard a conversation a couple of days ago between you and Finn Hudson.” She turns on the TV.

_"Sue Sylvester wants to represent Ohio. She says she shares your values. If that’s true, boy do we have some questions… If you’re so into family values, why did you promote a lesbian student to be your head cheerleader?" It shows a picture of Santana on top of the pyramid. "And when did you plan on telling Ohio families? Here’s another question: Why don’t you have a husband, Sue? Is there something you’re not telling us? Sue Sylvester. So many questions."_

Santana’s sobbing in the chair. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I’m so sorry,” says Sue.

“I haven’t even told my parents yet!” She runs out of the room in tears.

“Santana!” shouts Mr. Shue as he runs after her.

She sprints down the hallway and bursts right into the choir room, catching Finn whispering into Rachel’s ear.

“What did you just say to her?” she asks in a rage.

“I said I thought you and I should call a truce,” answers Finn.

She emphatically shakes her head. “You’re lying.”

“No, he literally just said that,” says Rachel sheepishly.

“Did you tell her, too?” she asks.

“Santana—” says Mr. Shue running into the room.

“Everyone’s gonna know now, because of you!” she yells.

“The whole school already knows, and you know what? They don’t care!” shouts Finn.

“Not just the school, you idiot… EVERYONE!”

“What are you talking--?”

She slaps him so hard that there’s nothing but silence in the room and shocked looks on everyone’s faces.


	11. Heart to Heart

* * *

The next morning, Santana, Finn, and Mr. Shue are all in Figgins’ office discussing the incident from the day before.

“I’m sorry, but since a student had lit firecrackers stuffed down his pants three years ago, we’ve had a zero tolerance physical violence policy,” says Principal Figgins.

“Is that why you suspended all the kids who have been tossing slushies in our faces for the past two years?” asks Santana.

“Slushies are not on the school board’s approved list of suspend-worthy weapons.”

“Here’s what you have to understand: I didn’t do it.”

“We all saw what happened,” says Mr. Shue. “You slapped Finn in the face.”

“No. See, you don’t get it. When I get really pissed off, Santana gets taken over by my other evil personality. I call her ‘Snixxx.’ Her wrath of words is called ‘Snixxx juice.’ I’m kind of like the Incredible Hulk. You can’t blame me for anything Snixxx does.”

“I’m suspending you and this Snixxx two weeks. No argument,” says Figgins.

“Sectionals is in 2 weeks! If you suspend me, I won’t be able to make the other schools cry out of fear.” She turns to Mr. Shue. “Mr. Shue, I highly recommend you do something about this.”

“I’m sorry, Santana, Sectionals is important, but you need to be punished for what you did.”

“This is garbage. Hamburglar Finn is fine.”

Finn perks up. “She didn’t slap me. I know that it looked and sounded like she did, but she actually didn’t. What is it called in a play or a movie when you pretend to hit someone but you don’t?”

“A stage slap?” answers Mr. Shue.

“It was a stage slap. That’s what it was.”

“What is your angle here, Finn?”

“The truth. If she didn’t actually hit me, then you can’t suspend her, right?”

“No,” says Figgins begrudgingly.

“Then that’s what happened.”

…

Santana and Finn walk out of the meeting with the former confused as ever.

“I’m a mischievous bitch, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what the hell this is about.”

“We need all the powerful voices we can for Sectionals. With Mercedes gone and if you get suspended, we’re doomed.”

“Facts.”

“And I also kind of feel bad for you. Look, I know we’ve been at each other a lot over these past couple of years, but the truth is I think you’re awesome. And when you hide who you are, I feel like you hide part of that awesomeness with it. And that’s why you act out because you hurt inside…every day.”

“That’s sweet…but I’m not gonna say thank you or give you a hug.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

They smile at each other.

“Now, do you think you could help me with something?”

“What?”

“We need to get Mercedes back. You see how it is in glee club. We’re terrible.”

“And how am I gonna do that?”

“You’re Santana. You’ll think of something.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

After school, the glee club is rehearsing. Everyone looks frustrated and tired and Rachel’s on a tear.

“What is happening to us? Santana, you sound like you smoke three packs a day. Finn, you’re behind on the choreography. And Rory and Sugar, it’s like you haven’t even been around all year!”

Rory and Sugar look at each other and shrug, scared to say anything.

“Rachel, give us a break,” says Quinn. “It’s not the same when we’re not all here.”

“Like we have been saying, we need Mercedes,” says Puck.

“Maybe if Rachel loosened up the reins—” starts Tina.

“Shut up, Tina!” yells Rachel.

“Whoa!” says Brittany.

“I’m sorry. That was rude. Tina, could you please get your head out of your ass? It’s not a hat!”

“Oh shit!” exclaims Puck.

Santana goes to her bag and pulls out her phone. **Please come back. You know my ass doesn’t beg, but we need you. Come and talk some sense into these greedy bitches.** **Mr. Shue’s not here and stupidly left Rachel in charge.** She texts Mercedes.

…

They’re all still in the middle of the argument.

“We should have listened to Mercedes,” says Kurt.

“Oh, so it’s my fault!” yells Rachel.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying—”

“That’s what I’m saying,” says Santana.

“That’s what you’re all thinking, right? I’m the bitch. The girl obsessed with being in control!”

“You’re too selfish, Rachel! It’s ruining us!” says Blaine.

“Hey, I can lose control if I want to! I can let go!”

“Oh, you’re gonna let go alright!” yells Santana as she tackles Rachel. Then, she lunges for the pitch pipe in Rachel’s hands. “Give me the pipe, you bitch!”

“Never!”

“Stop the violence,” says Brittany. No one hears her.

Finn tries to break them up by picking up Rachel. While Puck tries to grab Santana.

“Let go of me, Finn!”

“Get off me, Mohawk!”

Kurt and Blaine sit away from the action, not wanting to get hurt, or worse, ruin their clothes.

Everyone else jumps in, wrestling without hitting. It’s complete mayhem.

“GUYS! GUYS! GUYS, STOP!”

They all freeze then turn to find Mercedes standing at the door.

“What the hell’s going on in here?”

“Nothing,” says Rachel as she gets out of Finn’s hold. “This is a private rehearsal.”

“I know…” She steps in the room as everyone regroups. “Okay, here goes. I messed up. What I did was a dick move. I should have never changed up our set without asking the group, and I should never have walked out. I let you guys down, and I’m sorry. And, if you’ll have me, I want back in.”

All eyes on a stone-faced Rachel. Mercedes turns to leave, then looks back. Nothing. As she walks, she grabs a chair and scrapes it across the floor. Right before she exits…

“Wait!”

Mercedes turns around. “Thank you. That would have been embarrassing.”

“I know I’ve been unfair, Mercedes. To everybody. But I just want us win so badly.”

“I get it.”

“And I was jealous. You’re a natural at this and I knew everyone would want you to be the leader except me.”

“Well, how about this? How about we sit and talk to each other? About what we’re feeling. About things we haven’t talked about out loud. And this is a safe space. No one is going to spread anything you say to the school.”

Everyone shrugs and sit in a circle.

Brittany stands. “Well I’ll share something about myself that none of you know.”

Everyone perks up, interested.

“I’ve made out with everyone in this school. Boys, girls, Mr. Kidney, the janitor.”

“We know Brittany,” says Kurt.

“Only ‘cuz I just told you.”

“Okay, um, that was a terrible example, but let’s keep this going,” says Mercedes.

Mike stands. “Most of the time I’m upset that my dancing gets underappreciated by you guys.”

Mercedes nods. “Okay, well how about whichever team wins will showcase Mike and Brittany like we did last year.”

Everyone nods.

Tina stands. “As much as Rachel annoyed me to no end, I did appreciate that she gave me solo lines. I never get anything.”

Quinn perks up. “Me too. I know I’m not the strongest singer, but it was really nice to have something.”

“I agree,” says Mercedes. “Now, I think we can all agree that spreading the wealth is going to be added to the setlist.”

Everyone nods.

Blaine stands. “I’m upset that some people haven’t made me feel welcome here.”

Everyone turns to Finn and he sinks in his seat.

“Okay. Can we all agree that we all have strengths to bring to the table? And if we stifle anyone this is what happens, chaos. And we’re sure as hell not gonna win Sectionals let alone Nationals if we’re ganging up on each other like this.” She turns to Rachel. “I know you want to be special, but we’re all special too. And sometimes someone else has to be in the limelight.” She sighs and looks at Santana. “Santana?”

“Fine.” She stands up. “I know most of you know, but now I’mma finally say it…I’m a lesbian.”

Everyone smiles.

“And I’m in love with Brittany.”

Brittany stands up and gives her a hug. Everyone applauds them.

“And if anyone tells the school that I’m a softie, I will kill you.” 

Rachel looks around the room and stands. “Mercedes? What’re we gonna do?” She tosses Mercedes the pitch pipe and she beams.

“Let’s get this competition back on!”

Everyone cheers.


	12. The Debate

* * *

The next day, it’s the Senior Class Presidential debate and all the candidates are on edge, especially Kurt. All of the New Directions are in the crowd supporting either Brittany, Kurt, or Rachel.

“Quiet, please, children. Welcome one and all to McKinley High’s senior class presidential debate,” announces Principal Figgins. “Such a magnificent turnout reflects this school’s passion for democracy. And also, a reminder: it is against school policy to pass gas into jars to be sold in the cafeteria.”

There’s silence from the crowd.

“And now, our first candidate, Rick “The Stick” Nelson,” introduces Figgins.

“Stick! Stick! Stick! Stick!” shout some meatheads from the audience.

“So, I was talking to my dad, who says that since he pays taxes and stuff, like, for teachers, which pretty much means that we’re your boss,” starts Rick. “So I think it’s time that the teachers started doing what we say. And how about you stop talking in class, Mrs. Janicek? Everything you have to say is boring! Vote Rick the Stick!” He finishes and leaves the podium.

Brittany steps up to the podium. “Tornadoes are nature’s most destructive force. These violent storms have ravaged America, crippling communities all across our land. Isn’t it time we take a stand?”

Santana looks at her proudly from the stands.

“If you honor me with being your next class president, I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, um, I pledge to go topless.”

There’s wild applause from the students.

“Whoo!” shouts Brittany and flounces away from the podium. It’s Kurt’s turn now.

He walks up to the podium. “Hello, I’m Kurt Hummel.”

A guy cat-calls from the audience.

“Knock it off!” yells Mr. Shue. He nods for Kurt to continue.

“Um, the past few weeks, I’ve tried to address the real problem of obesity at this school. But my opponents chose empty promises and smear tactics. Although she knows it to be untrue, my opponent Brittany stated that my face was used as a template for Hasbro’s successful line of My Little Ponies. Well, I refuse to be bullied. In fact, I refuse to let anyone be bullied. Today, I want to take it one step further. I would like to re-implement the Bully Whips that a very smart young woman started last year. Even though it was meant as a tactic for Prom Queen votes, it was a wonderful idea.”

Santana perks up.

He grabs the mic off the stand and walks in front of it. “For too many years this school has taken a blind eye to the emotional, physical, and mental abuse that non-popular students go through every day. Whether it’s the icy chill of a slushy or the heaving into a trash can, me and my appointed team will stop bullying in its tracks. We will report said bullying and enforce immediate punishment/rehabilitation. The bullies and bullied will be invited for mediation to help everyone learn and grow. It’s time for McKinley to be a safe school environment for everyone. Thank you.”

There’s cheers and applause from the crowd. Including many standing ovations.

Next is Rachel. She walks up to the podium. “Hello, I’m Rachel Berry, and I have campaigned for president on a crusade for school book covers, a plan to save the school thousands of dollars.” She looks out into the crowd and sees people bored. “While I still consider this plan an inspired stroke of political genius, I hereby withdraw my candidacy and urge you all to vote for Kurt Hummel.”

There’s shock presented from everyone.

“He’s the only candidate here today who never went negative. He-He’s the one who deserves to be president. That’s why I-I’m casting my vote for Kurt Hummel. Vote Hummel, McKinley. Vote for Kurt.”

…

After the debate, Kurt sees Rachel at her locker and marches up to her. “Why’d you do it?”

“I shouldn’t have entered into the race at all. You needed the resumé boost to get into NYADA. You’re already so spectacular. But being senior class president will just put you over the top.”

“Only Rachel Berry could perk up an old boring high school debate with such a riveting twist.”

“Drama queen. I know. But I just…I-I hated you hating me.”

“Me, too. Scowling gives you forehead lines, and I’m way too young for Botox.”

“I guess I was just, you know, too focused on winning and on my dream of going to New York and getting into NYADA, but…then I realized that part of that dream is going there with you. So, now I am all about helping you win. Consider me your campaign slave.”

Kurt smiles.

“I’m gonna hug you now, okay?”

“Okay.”

They hug and reconcile.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

Mercedes walks into the library and sees Sam sitting by himself, working on homework with his headphones on. She walks over to him. “Hi Sam.”

He doesn’t acknowledge her.

“Sam, c’mon. Please talk to me.”

He begrudgingly takes off his headphones and looks up at her.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“Well, you found me.”

“I want to talk to you.”

He sighs. “About what?”

“I talked to Shane.”

“So?”

“I told him that I have feelings for you.”

He finally makes eye contact with her. “What did he say?”

“He was sad. He said that it felt like someone punched him in his heart.”

“I know the feeling.”

“I’m sorry we fought. I was mad and I overreacted. It’s just, Rachel drives me crazy sometimes.”

“You think I’m mad you yelled at me?”

“I know—”

“No you don’t know. You were the only girl who didn’t make me feel like an idiot. But when you yelled at me, it made me feel stupid for being so into you even though you had a boyfriend.”

“Sam, I’m so sorry—”

He starts packing. “No, I don’t want your apology.” He walks out of the library.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

Finn walks into the locker room seeing Blaine working on boxing. “Is that my face?”

“Yep. Don’t act so surprised. After getting bullied so much, I took up boxing. I also started the Dalton branch of Fight Club, which I obviously can’t talk about!” He forcefully turns to Finn. “What is your problem with me, anyway?! Ever since I got here, you’ve given me nothing but crap.”

“Honestly, dude, I was kind of jealous.”

Blaine scoffs.

“I felt threatened. Your talent kind of freaked me out, made me question whether or not I was good enough.” He hesitantly walks closer to Blaine. “Look, Blaine, I’m sorry. Uh, I’ve been acting like a jackass to you. Next to Mercedes, you’re the most talented, well-rounded member of this team.”

Blaine gives him a look.

“Don’t tell Rachel I said that.” Blaine chuckles. “And now more than ever, we need to be on the same page. United.”

“Tell me what you need me to do.”

“We have an opportunity. An opportunity to be remembered at this school for the rest of our lives for doing the impossible. But it all starts right here, with you and me. I just want to be able to look across that stage at you and know that we did everything we could. No regrets.”

Blaine takes off his glove and fist-bumps Finn. “Let’s get back to work.”

He chuckles. “All right.”

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

After school, the glee club gathers to tell Mr. Shue they want to continue with the competition.

“Guys, I don’t think this is good idea,” he says.

“But we’ve worked everything out,” says Santana.

“Really?”

Mercedes walks in. “Yes. And Mr. Shue I’m hoping you’ll let me back in.”

“Of course. But I still feel nervous about competition.”

Rachel stands up. “Mr. Shue, I decided not to be the leader of the Trouble Tones anymore. Mercedes is more deserving of it and she should’ve been the leader the entire time.”

“Really, Rachel?”

She nods. “Yes.”

He sighs. “Okay. The competitions back on.”

The group cheers, save from Sam.

“But, Trouble Tones, I hate to say it, but you guys won’t have enough points to beat Duly Noted even if your final performance is better.”

“What if we can make them up right now?” asks Mercedes. “They can follow me and we make up an acapella arrangement on the spot.”

Mr. Shue looks intrigued. “Okay. Trouble Tones, show us what you got.”

They get up in front of the room and get set.

“Let’s remix this business. Rachel, pick a song, please.”

“Bruno Mars, ‘Just The Way You Are.’”

“Okay! Kurt, can you take the lead?”

He nods.

Mercedes starts humming the melody to the song. And Rachel follows her perfectly. Everyone else starts using their mouth to sing the instruments. She points to Kurt to sing the lyrics.

**Kurt:**

Oh, her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they’re not shining

Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day

After the first verse, Mercedes jumps in singing Nelly’s “Just A Dream.” It mashes up, perfectly and they sound better than ever.

( **Mercedes** : I was thinking ‘bout her, thinkin’ bout me)

I know, I know

( **Mercedes** : Thinkin’ bout us, what we gon’ be)

When I compliment her she won’t believe me

( **Mercedes** : Open my eyes yeah, it was only just a dream)

It’s so, it’s so, sad to think that she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay

( **Mercedes** : It was only just a dream)

I say

Mercedes looks over at Santana and she joins Mercedes with singing “Just a Dream”.

When I see your face

( **Santana and Mercedes** : So, I traveled back, down that road

Will she come back, no one knows)

There’s not a thing that I would change

( **Santana and Mercedes** : I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream)

Because girl you’re amazing, just the way you are

( **Santana and Mercedes** : It was only just a dream)

Mercedes steps up and starts pounding out a beat which the rest follows suit.

When I see your face

( **Santana and Mercedes** : So I traveled back, down that road

Will she come back, no one knows)

There’s not a thing that I would change

( **Santana and Mercedes** : I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream)

Because girl you’re amazing, just the way you are

( **Santana and Mercedes** : It was only just a dream)

When I see your face

( **Trouble Tones** : Face…)

They finish looking around each other, can’t believing they just did that.

Mercedes looks at Mr. Shue. “Well?”

“I think it’s safe to say that this is anyone’s game now.”

The Trouble Tones cheer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: Pool Mashup- Pitch Perfect


	13. The Final Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mercedes: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867477066/  
> Kurt: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867476034/  
> Santana: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867476257/  
> Rachel: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867477013/  
> Brittany: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867476274/  
> Tina: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867476093/  
> Quinn: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867477130/  
> Sugar: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421649583867477138/
> 
> Songs Used: Trebels Finals- Pitch Perfect & Bellas Finals- Pitch Perfect

* * *

At the voting polls, Kurt's looking anxious with Finn, Mercedes, and Rachel by his side while Brittany and Santana are being interviewed by JBI.

“I don’t have to ask who you lovely ladies are voting for,” he says.

“I’m Team Britt all the way,” replies Santana.

“I’m voting for the hockey player,” says Brittany.

“Rick ‘The Stick’ Nelson? Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about a spare vote here or there, Brittany. My exit polling is putting you well ahead of Lady Hummel. This election is ‘ovah’!”

“That’s right!” yells Brittany.

He walks over to Kurt. “One last interview before you lose?”

Kurt puts his hand up.

“Hey, hey, hey, give it a break,” says Finn as he pushes JBI away.

“Hey, just one more! Just a word!”

“God, I feel like a lamb waiting in line to be slaughtered,” says Kurt.

“Chin up, Kurt,” says Finn trying to comfort him. “It’s not over till all the votes are counted.”

“Yep, and you’re going to get loads,” says Rachel.

Mercedes points in Quinn’s direction. “Look, Quinn is going into the voting booth right now. She’s definitely going to vote for you.”

 _“I like what Kurt stands for, and Brittany is insane, but just like my dad always voted for the candidate that was least ethnic, I’m voting for the one who’s most girl.”_ She votes for Brittany.

Mercedes walks into a voting booth. _“Brittany is my home girl, but thank God for secret ballots because if Santana’s girlfriend wins this election I’m never going to hear the end of it.”_ She votes for Kurt.

Mike walks into a voting booth and votes for Kurt.

Santana walks into a voting booth and votes for Brittany and kissed her vote for good luck.

Finn walks into a voting booth and happily votes for Kurt.

Puck walks into a voting booth and votes for Kurt.

Brittany walks into a voting booth and votes for herself, but not without trying to see inside the voting box.

Kurt walks into the a voting booth and votes for himself worriedly. _If I lose, I don’t have a chance of getting into NYADA. It’s not fair…the difference between my dreams coming true and managing a Sonic Burger depends on how many people check a stupid box._

Finally, Rachel walks into a voting booth and votes for Kurt.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

During class, all the kids are in their attire and waiting for the last competition to begin. Duly Noted is in their regular uniforms while the Trouble Tones are in outfits that lean to their personal style. While also matching their significant other. Mercedes is wearing a white bell-sleeve shirt with royal purple ripped-knee jeans to match Sam’s sweatshirt. Kurt's wearing a light blue suit, but with shorts instead of pants to match Blaine. Santana's wearing a red pelump top with color block leggings of red, white, and black and Brittany's wearing a red plaid skirt and royal blue crop top with a red bomber jacket to match each other. Rachel's wearing a red skirt, a red and blue cardigan and a white crop top to match Finn. Tina’s wearing a black and white checkered ensemble to match Mike. Quinn's wearing a checkered sleeveless top, black shorts, knee-high socks, and tall black boots to match Puck. Finally, Sugar's wear a sheer green top with a black leather skirt with green Cheetah print heels to match Rory.

Mr. Shue walks up to the stage. “Hello everyone! Welcome to your final check-in for this competition!”

They cheer from the audience.

“This last check-in will determine who’ll win and what numbers we will perform at Sectionals.”

They cheer again.

“Okay, up first is Duly Noted.”

They get up and head to the stage.

Mercedes stands up. “Hey Sam?”

He turns around.

“Good luck.”

“Uh. Thanks. You too.”

She smiles sadly as he heads to the stage.

She sits back down and Kurt leans over. “Everything okay there?”

“That’s the first time we’ve spoken in a week.”

He holds her hand. “The arrangement you made is gonna blow his socks off.”

She sighs. “Let’s hope so.”

Before they go out onstage, Finn turns to Blaine. “We got this, dude.”

Blaine smiles, “Yeah we do.”

All the boys get set onstage except for Sam and Blaine.

After the opening music is sung, Sam walks out onstage confidently.

**Sam:**

I’ve been living for the weekend

But no not anymore

‘Cause here comes that familiar feeling

That Friday’s famous for

He hands the mic to Finn.

**Finn:**

Yeah I’m looking for some action

And it’s out there somewhere

You can feel the electricity

All in the evening air

He hands the mic to Mike.

**Mike:**

And it may just be more of the same

But sometimes you want to go

Where everyone knows your name

He hands the mic to Rory.

**Rory:**

So I guess I’ll have to wait and see

But I’m just gonna let something

Brand new happen to me

He hands the mic back to Sam.

**Sam:**

And it’s alright ( **Duly Noted** : it’s alright)

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright ( **Duly Noted** : it’s alright)

Bright lights and the big city

It belongs to us ( **with Duly Noted** : tonight)

Blaine walks out onstage.

**Blaine:**

I’ve got the magic in me

Every time I touch that track

It turns into gold

Now everybody knows

I’ve got the magic in me

When I hit the flo'

Kurt comes snappin’ at me

Kurt screams his ass off in the audience.

Now everybody wants some presto

Magic

Blaine hands the mic off to Artie.

**Artie:**

These tricks that I’ll attempt

Will blow your mind

Pick a verse, any verse

I’ll hypnotize you with every line

I’ll need a volunteer

How ‘bout you

With the eyes

Come on down to the front

And sit right here and don’t be shy

**Puck:**

So come one, come all

And see the show tonight

Prepare to be astounded

No ghost or poltergeist

You know I’m no Pinocchio

I‘ve never told a lie

They call me Mr. Magic Man

I float on cloud nine

He hands the mic off back to Blaine.

**Sam and Blaine with Duly Noted:**

I’ve got the magic in me

( **Artie** : I’ve got the magic baby)

Every time I touch that track

It turns into gold

( **Artie** : The music turns to gold)

Everybody knows I’ve got the

Magic, magic, magic

( **Artie** : Come on clap your hands)

Magic, magic, magic

( **Artie** : Clap your hands come on)

Magic, magic, magic

( **Artie** : Come on clap your hands)

Ah wooo

I’ve got the magic in me

After the performance, both the Trouble Tones and the judges cheer in their seats.

Mr. Shue makes his way back onto stage. “Wonderful job! Closing is strong like always!”

They cheer again.

“Trouble Tones, please make your way to the stage!”

Duly Noted leaves stage as the Trouble Tones make their way backstage.

“Guys, huddle up,” says Mercedes. “I love you awesome nerds.”

They look around smile.

“Yeah, I love you bitches, too,” says Santana. “Let’s go out there and make the boys cry.”

Everyone laughs and heads out to the stage.

Duly Noted is sitting in the front row of the audience. Sam tries to feign disinterest by putting his head down.

On stage, Mercedes blows the pitch pipe. “One, two, three, four…”

**Trouble Tones:**

Oooh

**Rachel (with Trouble Tones):**

Seems like everybody’s got a price,

I wonder how they sleep at night,

When the sale comes first and the truth comes second,

Just stop for a minute and (smile)

**Tina (with Trouble Tones):**

Everybody look to the left,

Everybody look to the right,

Can you feel that yeah,

We’re (payin’ with love tonight)

A beat of silence. Then, Sugar busts out some hard-core beatboxing skills and the crowd cheers! Kurt, shows off his lower register and adds a killer bass.

**Sugar:**

It ain’t all about the money!

**Santana (with Trouble Tones):**

It’s not about the

money, money, money,

We don’t need your money, money, money,

We just want to make the ( **with Brittany** : world dance),

Forget about the ( **with Brittany** : price tag),

It ain’t about the (ugh) cha ching cha ching,

It’s not about the (yeah) ( **with Brittany** : ba bling ba bling),

**Santana with Brittany (with Trouble Tones):**

Want to make the world dance,

Forget about the price tag,

(Price tag, forget about the price tag)

**Mercedes (Trouble Tones):**

Hey Hey Hey Hey

Sam perks up in the audience as Mercedes sings directly to him.

Won’t you come see about me,

I’ll be alone dancin’, you know it baby,

Tell me (Tell me) your troubles and doubts,

Givin’ me everything inside and out (inside and out),

Don’t you (You’re amazing) forget about me (Just the way you are; just the way)

As you walk on by,

Will you call my name,

As you walk on by,

Will you call my name,

As you walk on by,

Will you call my name

I say

All of them raise their fist in the air.

**Mercedes with Trouble Tones:**

I say la lalalala lalalala ( **Brittany and Quinn** : Amazing just the way you are) lalalalalalala

Tonight,

I will love, love you tonight,

Give me everything tonight

Kurt hits the low notes on the bass line.

**Mercedes:**

For all we know we might not get tomorrow

**Trouble Tones:**

Let’s do it tonight

**Mercedes with Trouble Tones:**

Forget what they say,

All the games they play,

I want you tonight

**Brittany:**

Grab somebody sexy,

Tell them

Hey,

Give me everything tonight,

Give me everything tonight

**Santana:**

Take advantage of tonight ( **Kurt** : What’s up?)

‘Cause tomorrow I’m off to do battle, perform for a princess ( **Trouble Tones** : We just wanna make the world dance)

But tonight, I can make you my queen,

And make love to you endless ( **Trouble Tones** : We just wanna make the world dance)

It’s insane to wait and they ain’t growin’ money,

Keep flowin’, hustlers move aside,

So I’m tip-toein’ to keep blowin’

I got it locked down like Lindsay Lohan ( **Trouble Tones** : Forget about the price tag)

Put it on my life, baby,

I make you feel right, baby,

Can’t promise tomorrow,

But I’ll promise tonight,

Darlin’

**Kurt (Mercedes):**

Excuse me,

But I might drink a little more than I should tonight,

And I may take you home with me if I could tonight,

(Don’t you forget about me)

And baby I will make you feel so good tonight,

‘Cause we might not get tomorrow toni- ni-ni-ni-n-n-n-n-n-n- UH

The boys cheer loudly when they basically hear Mercedes moan to finish that beat.

**Mercedes with Trouble Tones harmonizing (Brittany):**

Hands up,

I put my hands up,

Don’t you forget about me,

(Party in the U.S.A.) ( **Quinn** : Ahhhhhh!) tonight

**Quinn with Trouble Tones:**

I will love, love you tonight,

Give me everything tonight,

For all we know, we might not get tomorrow, ( **Santana** : Love to hear percussion!)

Let’s do it tonight!

The Trouble Tones breathlessly hits their final pose. The boys and the judges are jumping up cheering for them. Mercedes looks out at in the audience at Sam. Unable to help himself, he jumps on stage with the rest of the boys following suit.

Sam walks over to Mercedes and pulls her into a kiss! With everyone else cooing over them.

“I knew we would be a greater love story than Avatar!”

She rolls her eyes, laughs, and they kiss again. With all the other couples following suit.

PP~PP~PP~PP~PP

The next week, they’re all back in the choir room gearing up for Sectionals.

Mr. Shue’s at the front of the room. “Listen up, everyone! It’s time to get moving on our set list. Mercedes, do you and the Trouble Tones have any ideas?”

“We do, but I would like McKinley High’s newly appointed Senior Class President to do the honors.”

Kurt gets up and walks to the font of the room. “Everyone, if I may…”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end! I had so much fun mashing these two stories together! Thank you for the comments and views. You guys are awesome! Let me know if you want me to continue on with the next two movies! I already have a lot of ideas!  
> \--Syd
> 
> Comments = love!

**Author's Note:**

> Since we're on lockdown, I've been watching a lot of Glee and re-watching the Pitch Perfect series and I thought the stories and characters are so similar that I had to mash them up! Hopefully I can do both of these entertaining viewings justice! 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or Pitch Perfect.


End file.
